According to psychological research, tragic memories, trauma, and experiences are stored in our minds and bodies in a specific form that retains the intense emotional, visual, physiological, and sensory experiences felt at the time we were involved in the situation or response. The situations and tragedies create repressed, unprocessed emotions and memories triggering a detrimental psychological response.
Often, we as first responders or emergency department staff never express our raw emotions to a difficult incident or scene call. We wrongfully believe it’s weakness in the eyes of our partners and colleagues. We prefer to push it down, stuff it in the pressure cooker and keep it from popping off with every ounce of emotional strength we have left. The more tragedy we face, the more that gets stuffed in the pressure cooker, the more emotional strength is needed to keep it under wraps. But, what is happening is that your emotional strength decays with each new tragedy and your psychological strength is weakening with each one you are trying to keep down. This only leads to a worse condition than the raw emotion itself because your mental health cannot match the trauma any longer. You eventually get to the dark place I described in the previous post.
Art and the act of creating allowed me to engage a different part of my brain, which afforded an opportunity to realize and express some of these undigested emotions from the tragedy and evil I’ve witnessed. Art was my relief; the pressure valve I was looking for to ease the difficult memories. I am normally a rather analytical person and I have to understand “why” behind things. The analytical part of my brain insists that showing emotion is irrational and I need to keep my head in the game. But, I have discovered that art actually turns off my strong tendency to analyze, which allows me to process, separate, and starve the negative events, tragedies, and experiences that effect my soul.
Art or simply creating can allow you to express emotion and mood visually, when we are unwilling or unable to express what we feel with words. Being able to visually express a solemn mood, or a dreary cloudy sky, dark images or angry abstractions can reflect the emotions of the deep, subconscious we are fighting to keep the lid on. Art forces a change in perspective because you’re using the more emotional side of the brain in the act of art that will tap into the emotion you feel. For me, it allows my mood or emotion to be expressed on a canvas that is sometimes contrary to the emotion I think I feel outwardly. The photo of my art with this post is just such an example. The grey dreary day in the image was not the content, happiness I thought I was when I painted it. It was what was behind the mask I portrayed outwardly.
There are professional art therapists specifically trained to use art to tap into and work through all the repressed thoughts, emotion, and memories we have kept under wraps. You don’t have to know how to draw or paint or be an artist. You can use any medium to express your self or simply use a coloring book to help process the issues. You just have to want to heal your mind so you can be there emotionally for your family, colleagues, and friends. It took me nearly two decades and a poignant observation by my wife before I determined I didn’t like who I had become and needed to make a change. Art has been one tool to help me make the changes.
Creating again opened my eyes and soul to seeing beauty in all creation, overcoming those dark places we push down until they break us. Only by the grace of God, faith in Jesus and the loving companionship of my wonderful wife that I managed to hold on to a shred of my humanity. Through the peace of creating art, I’m overcoming the scars of our chosen career.
I pray for my brother and sister first responders and emergency department staff who are feeling the pressure of sadness, anger or depression building. Get help...overcome your dark places, so you can be there emotionally and physically for your kids, your spouse, and all those who appreciate what we do. Art and art therapy can show a way to solace from the pains and some healing to the tragedy we witness day-in and day-out. The goal isn’t to be Rembrandt, but to engage a different part of your brain to work through those emotions and unprocessed memories destroying you from the inside out. Find a professional that can walk through this with you...our chosen careers can’t afford another statistic.
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